Read about everything that pisses me the hell off.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Milk and Bread

Forward: My apologies to those of you who have read this before elsewhere. It just REALLY bugs me.

An amazing thing happened today.

I woke up this morning and the world was covered in white. White stuff was falling from the sky!!! You can imagine my amazement. I mean, I had recently discovered that water falls from the sky and that there was this misty stuff that appeared in the mornings... but WHITE stuff! Wow.. I'd never seen anything like this before in my 30 years in Pittsburgh!

Well, I got ready for work, and wouldn't you know, the stuff was all over my car! It was COLD too!! It stuck together and was a little slippery. I know, this is all hard to believe but bare with me here. Once I cleaned the stuff off my car, and started the car, I wasn't sure what to do? Could I drive in this? Would it be safe? Maybe the white stuff would eat through the glass and kill me. Maybe it was toxic! Was this fallout from an Atomic blast?! Possibly it was volcanic ash. Well regardless, I figured that whatever it was, it was sure to drive the tunnel monsters out. So I pulled out of my drive way and proceeded to head to work at 5 MPH. Sure, the roads were just wet, but I didn't want to take ANY chances. I'll make sure to get Milk and Bread on the way home from work.. Never know. I might get stuck.

Could someone PLEASE tell me why people that live in Pittsburgh are surprised when it snows? Anyone? Watching the news last night I thought that the Book of Revelation was coming true. I was out looking for the moon turned to blood, but that had already happened a few months ago. Instead.. I saw snow. Frozen water. The same white garbage that falls from the sky EVERY winter here. Yet the news was making it out like it was a disaster and had been it had been blizzarding for weeks. I haven't been to the grocery store yet, but I'm sure they will be totally out of milk and bread. Yet another part of the snow mania. What is it about Milk and bread anyway? Are they the only things you need in a snow storm? Personally I'd buy Iced Tea and Twinkies. Much more essential than milk and bread.

Is it like this in other cities? Are the citizens of Boulder surprised when it snows? Do the people in Portland, Maine all drive 3 miles an hour when the roads are wet but it's snowing out? Do the people in Gnome all run to the store for milk and bread at the first sign of a flurry? I somehow doubt it. Yet in Pittsburgh there seems to be some great state of emergency generated any time there is a snow storm. It's as if any common sense that the population did have goes out the window when the temperature drops below freezing. Is it because the average age in Allegheny County is 97? That can't be it because the old people all stay in when it snows. I have to say that I'm clueless as to the reason for this phenomenon. Perhaps it is a grand conspiracy of the bakers and dairy farmers to drive up Milk and Bread profits!

When I lived in the Mecca that is Happy Valley (State College, PA for the uninformed) there was snow on the ground from November until March. Pretty much constantly. It was cold, it was in the snow belt, and people dealt with it. They weren't idiots. They drove safely but not like retards. They didn't need to run out and buy stores out of milk and bread to ensure their winter safety. It snowed The plows came. You went to school the next day. No big state of emergency. Yet in Pittsburgh, EVERYONE seems surprised that there is snow on the ground. It took me TWO HOURS to drive 25 miles. We're talking RUSH HOUR. People who drive to work EVERY DAY. Today gave new meaning to the term Parkway (for out of towners, the city highways in Pittsburgh are referred to as Parkways)! It was as if the people had never seen snow before and needed to stop to make sure that there really was white stuff falling from the sky.

I understand driving safely in inclement weather, but people please! LOOK at the road conditions. If the roads are WET, then I'd guess that your car isn't going to go careening off a cliff. Odds are, if you made it to work last week in the rain, you'll make it today.

Oh, wait, idiots in this city can't drive in the rain either. I won't even get STARTED on driving through a tunnel.

You forgot toilet paper. It flies off the grocery store shelf when more than an inch of snow is in the forecast.
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